Special Edition – From the Co-Founder’s Mind

When I was 15, sitting on my first solo flight from Delhi to Anchorage, I thought:
“Wow. I can’t wait to leave my family and finally live by myself. Experience life. Taste freedom.”

No rules. No nagging. No one asking me if I’ve eaten or when I’ll get back home. Just freedom. Or so I thought.

What I didn’t prepare for was the loneliness that freedom quietly brings along.

The journey we call loneliness

If you’ve ever lived away from home, you know the thrill that comes with it. The anxiousness and the excitement to explore and discover what a new place has to offer. But hidden in that freedom is something no one really talks about: the ache of being far away from the people who just get you.

I used to think this loneliness was just homesickness, just temporary.

But then, years later, I was in Canada for my brother-in-law’s wedding. His best friend couldn’t attend, so they video-called. The usual jokes were made — “you’re trapped for life now, bro!” — we all laughed. After the call ended, I saw something shift on my brother-in-law’s face, a sadness that seemed like if anyone started playing “Tera yaar hoon mai” he would definitely start crying.

Here was this man, on one of the happiest days of his life, surrounded by the people he loved, but still feeling the ache of missing some of his most important people.

And just like that, I was 15 again, 6ish months after that first flight. It was Diwali, and on a call with my mum I could hear the happy noise of the house in the background. I was surrounded by new friends, but still missing the old ones. Still weirdly lonely.

When your new life doesn’t include the old faces

Because yes, you can be lonely even when you’re surrounded by people.

You might be thinking, how can my brother-in-law, who is about to get married, be feeling lonely? We often mistake loneliness for solitude. But loneliness has many shapes.

You can be surrounded by people, celebrating life’s milestones and still miss the place, the people, and the experiences you once shared in your home city, hometown, home country. You are miles away in a different city, different country, still living, still with people you can talk to but not quite with the people who would understand your pain by simply looking at your face.

I don’t know if this kind of loneliness has a name. Maybe it’s the ache of missing the comfort of your past while still loving the novelty of your new life.

That’s what makes it so complicated. I never once wanted to go back home and leave my adventure. I know my brother-in-law doesn’t want to leave Canada to go back to Ahmedabad. But I just wished I could carry home with me.

If you’ve ever felt this kind of loneliness, I want you to know, I see you. And even if it doesn’t make sense to everyone else, it makes complete sense to me.

Special offer

If you want to explore this feeling, we’re offering a special 50% discount for your first session. Just type “TRY50” to get the first session at 50% off!

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Here are some things that brought me comfort when I was homesick [no judging!!]

• Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara
  A classic comfort about friendship. Don’t ask me how many trip plans my friends and I have made (and cancelled) after this.

• Hum Saath Saath Hain
  I know, I know, it’s overrated and super cliched but it felt comforting to watch when I was missing my family and cousins.

“Why can’t you be more like my mother? She’s always so patient, so understanding.”

As a therapist, I’ve heard many versions of this line over the years; sometimes from men, sometimes from women. It often follows a deep silence. The exact desire varies – strength, softness, sacrifice, warmth – but the underlying feeling expressed is often the same.

‘I want you to love me the way I was loved before or the way I wish I had been’

The subconscious scripts we live by

Often, we enter relationships carrying invisible scripts, expectations shaped by the love and care we witnessed or yearned for growing up. In many Indian families, these scripts are subconsciously ingrained: for women, to be endlessly patient and giving; for men, to be strong, silent providers.

And our early familial relationships, often very intense, define love, care, sacrifice as synonyms of each other.

And we expect these intense sacrificial displays to play out the same way in our love lives. Again, unknowingly. We’re quietly comparing partners to parents.

“My mother never raised her voice.”
“My dad was always calm.”

These comments out of context don’t feel heavy. But imagine how they sound to your partner.

“Why can’t you be as quiet as my mother?”
“You’re always so angry and impulsive”

You’re not alone if you find old family dynamics sneaking into your relationships. That’s something Psychologist Harville Hendrix’s Imago Theory captures so well. It explains how we unconsciously seek out partners who resemble our primary caregivers, hoping to heal old wounds. But without awareness, we don’t heal, we just repeat.

So, how do you attempt to heal old wounds?

Pay gentle attention to moments you overreact, feel overwhelmed, or can’t explain your emotions—these are often clues to older wounds. Look at recurring struggles in relationships or situations that stir up outsized reactions in you.

Remember, you don’t need to identify every wound to start healing. Simply being willing to notice and stay curious is a powerful first step.

If this spoke to you, then, this week, ask yourself:

• What qualities did you admire in your parents growing up?

• Which of those qualities do you see in yourself today?

• Are you expecting your partner to have those same qualities or handle things the same way?
  Or are you really meeting them where they are and for who they truly are?

This kind of reflection helps you see if you are relating to your partner as a person, or to an old pattern or voice from the past. Take a moment with these questions, just gentle curiosity about what you discover.

If you would like to read more about this, here are a couple of recommendations:

Hold Me Tight

by Dr. Sue Johnson
A compassionate, evidence-based guide on how early attachment patterns shape our romantic relationships, and how we can change them.

“Emotional Labor Is Not Love”on The Swaddle
A sharp look at how romantic expectations in Indian households are often shaped by the caregiving roles we grew up around.

What’s Coming Up for You?

We would love to hear what this brought up for you.
Did it spark a new thought or feeling for you?
Drop us an email at team@moonminds.in. Your voice really matters to us.

I couldn’t cry at the funeral, but I did when I was drinking coffee.

“I hope this grief stays with me because it’s all the unexpressed love that I didn’t get to tell her.”
– Andrew Garfield

In my years of working with people going through grief, I know and have seen that loss isn’t just a one-time event. It touches every part of daily life and feels different every single day after. Grieving clients often tell me they’re surprised by the intensity or duration of their feelings “Shouldn’t I be better by now?” they ask.

But there is no timeline for missing someone, and no single “right” way to adapt. I believe that honoring our own path through grief, not just society’s expectations, is an act of immense courage.

In Indian society, grief is often witnessed through collective rituals – funerals, religious ceremonies, and community gatherings. While these do offer community support, they leave little space for the private, psychological parts of grief, the ones we carry long after the rituals are done.

It’s normal if your emotions don’t match what others expect, or if you find yourself stuck between memories and a future that feels uncertain. Grief is deeply personal, and it may arrive as sadness, anger, relief, or even confusion, sometimes all in a single morning.

Anticipating a loss (“pre-grief”) is also real and deserves space — don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Navigating Grief

In this newsletter, I want to help you navigate two deeply connected stages of grieving: first, managing the immediate aftermath of loss, and then, learning how to live with grief as you return to daily life. But please know that there is no set way to deal with your grief.

That’s why we don’t want to give you a checklist of steps, but rather want to gently invite you to treat yourself with kindness during a difficult time and maybe provide you with some tools.

In the first days and weeks, your emotions may come in unpredictable waves. Some days, you might want to talk, cry, or remember; other days, simply making it through is enough.

• Allow yourself to feel: Cry, laugh, or simply sit in silence. Every emotion is a way of honouring your loss.

• Reach out for connection: Not for solutions, but for the healing power of sharing and community.

• Create private rituals: Tell a story about them, cook a favourite meal (yours or theirs), or light a candle. Let these be comforting rather than obligatory.

If your sorrow feels overwhelming for many months, affecting your health or daily life, know that you can ask for support. Seeking help is a powerful act of resilience.

As routines resume, it’s natural to wonder:
“How do I live in this world now that they’re gone?”

At this stage, grief grows more subtle and complex. Psychologist William Worden describes the path forward in three intertwined adjustments:

• External adjustment: Taking on routines and roles your loved one fulfilled—whether it’s the morning tea, paying bills, or facing a quieter home.

• Internal adjustment: Redefining your identity, discovering new strengths, and recognizing vulnerabilities that emerge.

• Spiritual adjustment: Reexamining life’s meaning, your beliefs, and the shape of hope in this new world.

These adjustments unfold in small, everyday moments—a solitary meal, laughter at an old memory, or the acceptance that some questions remain unanswered. While Indian culture offers collective rituals for the early days, the deepest healing often happens in private, as we gradually find new footing in a changed world.

If you would like to read more about processing grief, here are a couple recommendations:

How We Grieve: Relearning the World
by Thomas Attig
A compassionate look at how loss reshapes our daily life and sense of self.

The Year of Magical Thinking
by Joan Didion
A raw, moving memoir of grief that captures the surreal disorientation of loss.

Each person grieves in their own time, in their own way. Let that be okay.

A friend messaged me this the other day and it took me a while to answer because this is a very, very common feeling when you first start therapy—even as a therapist.

I asked them for permission to share this because I feel like everyone needs to hear this—not just in the context of therapy, but in life as well.

We imagine self-work as a slow and straight climb upward. But real self-work, the kind that actually propels growth and healing, is like a bag of old, junky wires. We need to untangle old knots, look at what we have, and decide what we need to keep. Similarly, healing involves untangling old knots and breaking patterns, but this process can often look like a spiral. One step forward, two steps inward.

Here’s a thought: What if the mess is part of the progress?

Healing Can Feel Like Demolition

of numbing emotions and suppression of actual feelings. Therapy isn’t a quick-fix solution that can plaster over old cracks and fill the void with some super cement. It’s a space that holds up a mirror—sometimes gently, sometimes not—to parts of ourselves we’ve long avoided. It’s a chance to finally take a look at the messy, the not-so-aesthetically-pleasing.

You might start therapy hoping to “feel better.”
But sometimes, what comes first is feeling more: grief, anger, guilt, confusion. These aren’t setbacks. They’re signs that the emotional numbing is lifting, that you’re beginning to contact the real material underneath the coping. Insight often precedes change. But insight isn’t always pleasant. It’s the discomfort of seeing patterns clearly for the first time, like recognizing that you overwork not just from ambition, but from a fear of not being enough.

Similarly, healing is not the same for everyone. It could look like:

• Crying more before you learn to self-soothe.

• Feeling distant in relationships before you learn to connect authentically.

• Noticing your inner critic louder than ever—because you’re finally listening.

Think of this as a “U-shaped curve of change.” In the early stages of deep work, things can feel more chaotic. It doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working. It means something’s being stirred. Culturally, too, when silence is often safer than expression—this emotional surfacing can feel foreign or even wrong. But growth often begins with disorientation.

If you’re in therapy or are planning on re-starting, here’s a small journal prompt to help you track progress in a deeper, gentler way:

This week, reflect on one of these questions:

• What have I started noticing about myself that I hadn’t before?

• What feels harder now—but might actually be more honest?

• What inner truth have I begun to name, even quietly?

The Courage To Be Disliked: How to free yourself, change your life and achieve real happiness
by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
Book

In a deeply invoking conversation between a young man and a philosopher, this book pushes one to think about “blocks” and “dead-ends” from a different perspective, a complete 180.

Mind if we talk?
by BetterHelp and Haesue Jo
Video Podcast

A deep dive into the textures and contours of being in therapy and experiencing untangling. Ideas of therapeutic wisdom and other relatable topics covered in this podcast are comforting and warm when feeling down.

Does your therapist respect you outside your session?

A few days ago, I was speaking to a therapist from my team at Moon Minds about scheduling a session with one of her clients. This happened during the conversation.

The client wasn’t there. They would never know. This was a private chat between two professionals. But in that moment, something real happened.

I felt a little embarrassed; I knew their pronouns, too. I just forgot. But mostly, I felt proud.

Because this wasn’t about correcting me for the sake of it. It wasn’t about being politically correct or ticking off a checklist. It was just about doing the right thing, even when no one was watching.

People talk a lot about safe spaces. About inclusivity. About being “affirmative.” But what does that really mean? It’s not just big statements or loud activism. It’s the quiet moments, the ones that happen when there’s no audience. When the only reason to do the right thing is because it matters.

And it also says something about our team. I’m the founder of Moon Minds. But that doesn’t mean I get a free pass. It doesn’t mean my team hesitates before correcting me. If anything, it means they trust me enough to correct me. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Your identity doesn’t switch off when you leave a room. It’s not something that exists only in front of people. A good therapist doesn’t just hold space for you when you’re in session. They remember you when you’re not. They carry your truth.

Pronouns should be respected without hesitation.

For many queer folks in India, the experience of being dismissed starts early. If you try to go by a different name or express your pronouns, it’s often met with “Humare yahan aisa nahi hota.” There’s no room to explain why it matters. The conversation ends before it even begins.

That’s why, in therapy, when a therapist doesn’t flinch at your pronouns—when they don’t make you justify your identity—it feels radical. It’s not just a moment of kindness. It’s a moment of recognition.

This is an often overlooked part of affirmative care. In psychology, we call these “microaffirmations.” Small, intentional gestures that affirm a person’s identity. A name remembered. A pronoun is respected without hesitation. A quiet check-in after an emotionally heavy session.

Over time, they create a foundation of safety and trust. And for queer clients, especially those coming from environments where their identity is constantly questioned, this kind of care is foundational.

Because in a world that often tells queer people to shrink, these small affirmations say: you don’t have to hide here.

And over time, microaffirmations add up. They create a sense of safety, not just in the session, but in the relationship. And when you feel safe, real work can begin. Not the kind where you’re busy defending who you are, but the kind where you can explore, feel, unlearn, and heal.

In the end, therapy isn’t always giant breakthroughs or epiphanies. It’s about letting you know that you matter exactly where you are, and as you are.

If you’re queer, or if any part of your identity doesn’t fit into the mainstream script:

Be proud of who you are. Even if the world around you tries to minimise them. Don’t let anyone tell you that your pronouns, your name, or how you show up in the world is “too much” or “just a phase.” The details matter because you matter. You deserve to be seen and respected without explanation.

If you’re an ally, or trying to be one:

Take a moment to reflect. Is there someone in your life whose identity you haven’t fully acknowledged? Maybe you’ve used the wrong pronouns in the past. Or assumed things about their relationships, their body, and their experiences. That’s okay—growth starts with awareness. Reach out, learn, and make the shift. Small changes in how you speak or show up can have a lasting impact.

Whether you’re reclaiming space or making space, the little things add up.

Queer Affirmative Counselling Practice
By MHI (Mariwala Health Initiative)
Online Resource

A foundational guide for therapists and allies in the Indian context. Breaks down concepts in a simple, grounded way. While it’s written with therapists in mind, anyone who wants to be a better ally will gain a lot from it.

The Pronoun Lowdown
By Nezo Zisn
Book

An accessible, funny and deeply informative book on pronouns, gender identity and the nuances of inclusive language. Whether you’re just starting your journey or want to deepen your understanding, this book does a great job of making things click without sounding preachy.

A prompt to think about – 

Have you ever had a moment recently where you boldly made space for yourself?

We’d love to hear about it or just how you’re feeling today. Write to us at team@moonminds.in with your thoughts!

This simple yet effective technique gives you the power to slow down, understand what’s happening, and respond more mindfully. Here’s how it works:

Step 1: Notice the Emotion

Before reacting, take a pause and check in with yourself. Ask:

• What am I feeling right now? (Angry, anxious, sad, overwhelmed?)
• Where do I feel it in my body? (Tense shoulders, fast heartbeat, tight chest?)

Acknowledging your emotions is the first step to regulating them.

Step 2: Name It Clearly

Instead of letting the emotion take over, label it—either in your head or out loud:

• “I’m feeling really irritable right now.”
• “I’m overwhelmed and need a moment.”

Research shows that naming an emotion reduces its intensity. It’s like shining a light on it—once you see it clearly, it’s easier to manage.

Step 3: Acknowledge the Trigger

Sometimes, emotions feel bigger than they should. Ask yourself:

• Is this emotion stronger than usual?
• Could PMS, stress, or exhaustion be amplifying it?

For example, you might think: “This might be PMS making me more sensitive right now.” This doesn’t mean the emotion isn’t valid, but it helps you understand what’s adding fuel to the fire.

Step 4: Create Space Before Reacting

When emotions feel intense, give yourself time before responding. Try:

• Taking a deep breath or a short walk.
• If in a conversation, saying: “I need a moment before we talk about this.”

This pause prevents impulsive reactions and gives you time to choose a response that aligns with how you actually want to handle the situation.

Step 5: Process It Later

Once you’ve calmed down, take a moment to reflect:

• Was this emotion trying to tell me something important?
• Do I need to have a conversation about this?

If something is bothering you, addressing it thoughtfully (instead of in the heat of the moment) can lead to better communication and resolution.

Why This Works

Emotions are powerful, but they don’t have to control you. Name It to Tame It gives you a simple way to step back, understand what’s happening, and respond in a way that feels more in control. With practice, it becomes easier to navigate emotional highs and lows—whether they’re influenced by PMS, stress, or life in general.

So next time you feel overwhelmed, try pausing and naming what you’re feeling. You might be surprised at how much clarity and relief it brings.

Inspired by Dr. Dan Siegel’s ‘Name It to Tame It’ technique in neuroscience and emotional regulation.

1. Identify Your Goals

To do this, think about the outcome you hope to attain from your therapy sessions. This could include anything from managing relationship issues to reducing stress and anxiety. It is always helpful to recognize your goal to effectively communicate your expectations to the therapist. In order to learn more about your background, present difficulties, and therapy goals, your therapist will also ask relevant questions. This enables them to customise your care to meet your unique needs.

2. Prepare for Your Session:

To get the most out of your first session, consider the following:

• Jot down some talking points: This could include specific challenges you’re facing or anything else you’d like to discuss.
• Choose a quiet and private space: Find a quiet, private area where you can focus on your session without distractions.
• Use a stable internet connection: Ensure that your internet connection is stable and reliable to avoid any disruptions during the session.
• Minimize background noise: Turn off any loud appliances or ask family members to keep noise levels down. This will ensure you feel comfortable and can speak openly during your session.

3. Be honest, patient and flexible

During your first session, it is crucial to be open and honest with your therapist. Share your concerns and any relevant information that may help them understand your situation and provide more effective support. Therapy is a process that requires patience and flexibility. Be prepared to work through challenging emotions and experiences, and remember that progress may not always be linear. Your therapist might introduce some initial strategies or resources. They will also work with you to set goals for future sessions.

Feel free to ask your therapist questions as well – it’s important to find a good fit and clarify all your doubts.

The first session is a chance to explore and see if online therapy feels right for you. It’s completely normal to feel nervous – that’s part of the process! We encourage open communication and a collaborative approach throughout your therapy journey.

We look forward to supporting you on your path to a healthier, happier you.

1. Practice Mindfulness and Awareness

One of the first steps in overcoming negative thinking is to develop mindfulness and awareness of our thoughts. Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment, observing our thoughts and feelings as they arise.

By cultivating mindfulness, we can become more aware of negative thought patterns and their triggers. Instead of automatically accepting these thoughts as true, we can learn to question and challenge them, gaining perspective and distance from their influence.

Simple mindfulness practices, such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or mindful walking, can help us develop this awareness and reduce the grip of negative thinking on our minds.

2. Challenge Negative Thoughts

Once we become aware of negative thoughts, it’s essential to challenge them with rational and balanced perspectives. Often, negative thoughts are distorted or exaggerated, leading us to perceive situations more negatively than they truly are.

One effective technique for challenging negative thoughts is cognitive restructuring. This involves identifying the underlying beliefs and assumptions fueling negative thinking and evaluating their accuracy and validity.

Ask yourself questions such as:

• Is there evidence to support this thought?
• Are there alternative explanations or interpretations?
• What would I say to a friend experiencing similar thoughts?

By reframing negative thoughts in a more realistic and balanced light, we can reduce their impact on our mood and behavior.

3. Cultivate Gratitude and Positive Affirmations

Focusing on gratitude and positive affirmations can help shift our attention away from negativity and foster a more optimistic outlook. Practicing gratitude involves acknowledging and appreciating the positive aspects of our lives, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.

Take time each day to reflect on things you’re grateful for, whether it’s supportive relationships, moments of joy, or personal strengths. Keeping a gratitude journal can be a helpful way to cultivate this practice and reinforce positive thinking habits.

Similarly, repeating positive affirmations, such as “I am capable,” “I am worthy,” or “I am resilient,” can counteract negative self-talk and instill confidence and self-belief.

4. Engage in Activities That Bring Joy and Fulfillment

Engaging in activities that bring joy, fulfillment, and a sense of accomplishment can help counteract negative thinking and boost overall well-being. Whether it’s pursuing hobbies, spending time with loved ones, or volunteering in your community, find activities that resonate with your interests and values.

Immersing yourself in these activities can provide a welcome distraction from negative thoughts and create opportunities for positive experiences and connections.

5. Seek Support and Professional Help When Needed

Finally, don’t hesitate to seek support from trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals if negative thinking becomes overwhelming or persistent. Talking to someone you trust can provide validation, perspective, and emotional support, helping you feel less alone in your struggles.

Therapy, in particular, can be a valuable resource for addressing deep-seated negative thought patterns and developing coping strategies to manage them effectively. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), in particular, is highly effective in identifying and challenging negative thinking patterns and replacing them with more adaptive and constructive beliefs.

In conclusion, overcoming negative thinking requires patience, self-awareness, and proactive effort. By practicing mindfulness, challenging negative thoughts, cultivating gratitude, engaging in fulfilling activities, and seeking support when needed, we can gradually shift our mindset and cultivate a more positive and resilient outlook on life. Remember that change takes time, so be kind and patient with yourself as you embark on this journey toward greater emotional well-being and positivity.