I couldn’t cry at the funeral, but I did when I was drinking coffee.

“I hope this grief stays with me because it’s all the unexpressed love that I didn’t get to tell her.”
– Andrew Garfield

In my years of working with people going through grief, I know and have seen that loss isn’t just a one-time event. It touches every part of daily life and feels different every single day after. Grieving clients often tell me they’re surprised by the intensity or duration of their feelings “Shouldn’t I be better by now?” they ask.

But there is no timeline for missing someone, and no single “right” way to adapt. I believe that honoring our own path through grief, not just society’s expectations, is an act of immense courage.

In Indian society, grief is often witnessed through collective rituals – funerals, religious ceremonies, and community gatherings. While these do offer community support, they leave little space for the private, psychological parts of grief, the ones we carry long after the rituals are done.

It’s normal if your emotions don’t match what others expect, or if you find yourself stuck between memories and a future that feels uncertain. Grief is deeply personal, and it may arrive as sadness, anger, relief, or even confusion, sometimes all in a single morning.

Anticipating a loss (“pre-grief”) is also real and deserves space — don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Navigating Grief

In this newsletter, I want to help you navigate two deeply connected stages of grieving: first, managing the immediate aftermath of loss, and then, learning how to live with grief as you return to daily life. But please know that there is no set way to deal with your grief.

That’s why we don’t want to give you a checklist of steps, but rather want to gently invite you to treat yourself with kindness during a difficult time and maybe provide you with some tools.

In the first days and weeks, your emotions may come in unpredictable waves. Some days, you might want to talk, cry, or remember; other days, simply making it through is enough.

• Allow yourself to feel: Cry, laugh, or simply sit in silence. Every emotion is a way of honouring your loss.

• Reach out for connection: Not for solutions, but for the healing power of sharing and community.

• Create private rituals: Tell a story about them, cook a favourite meal (yours or theirs), or light a candle. Let these be comforting rather than obligatory.

If your sorrow feels overwhelming for many months, affecting your health or daily life, know that you can ask for support. Seeking help is a powerful act of resilience.

As routines resume, it’s natural to wonder:
“How do I live in this world now that they’re gone?”

At this stage, grief grows more subtle and complex. Psychologist William Worden describes the path forward in three intertwined adjustments:

• External adjustment: Taking on routines and roles your loved one fulfilled—whether it’s the morning tea, paying bills, or facing a quieter home.

• Internal adjustment: Redefining your identity, discovering new strengths, and recognizing vulnerabilities that emerge.

• Spiritual adjustment: Reexamining life’s meaning, your beliefs, and the shape of hope in this new world.

These adjustments unfold in small, everyday moments—a solitary meal, laughter at an old memory, or the acceptance that some questions remain unanswered. While Indian culture offers collective rituals for the early days, the deepest healing often happens in private, as we gradually find new footing in a changed world.

If you would like to read more about processing grief, here are a couple recommendations:

How We Grieve: Relearning the World
by Thomas Attig
A compassionate look at how loss reshapes our daily life and sense of self.

 

The Year of Magical Thinking
by Joan Didion
A raw, moving memoir of grief that captures the surreal disorientation of loss.

Each person grieves in their own time, in their own way. Let that be okay.